I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
