i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
