Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
