i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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