i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
