It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
