Will you blow on my dice?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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