He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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