If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
