she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize