this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
