That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
