How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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