you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
