Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
