3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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