I CAN MOONWALK!
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Are my feet made of real feet?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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