we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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