i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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