he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
