The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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