Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
