Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
