He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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