i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
