I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
