Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
