i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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