He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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