I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
