My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
