I feel like I'm in dance class right now
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
