This is not my ceiling
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
