coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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