I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
