im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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