where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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