you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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