I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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