I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
