NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I love having hate sex.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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