20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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