she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If its not for food we ain't going out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
