Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
