Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
