im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
