five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
