he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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