If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
