My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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