Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
