Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you will always have a special place in my vag
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
