She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
