Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
