9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
