Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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