Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize