It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
