god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
