Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
