Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think my fart just growled at me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome