wanna go halves on a baby?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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