1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
