Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
