Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
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He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm gonna fight the coyote