There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
