We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
