you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
