i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
