Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i think i just lost a toe
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please don't give away my fajitas
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
