Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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