matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
