Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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