I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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