my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
