They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
