This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
