I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
