im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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