I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
