She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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