he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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