last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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