dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
