we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
